Receiving orders...

Once again, after receiving orders, I decided to write about something I really don't care about. I can't blame anyone, because it was coming from my weakness that I asked for advice and since I did ask... there was no way but to follow the advice...
I'm not a confident correspondent, as many decisions I made were not correct and I really hope someone who would be confident enough to take over my position would stand up and raise his or her voice. I'd happily recommend to take the post!
Though my motivation is at the lowest level, I have to commit myself to accomplish the required work. It's my fault I didn't say I don't want to be here, but who would have known it's one of the worst spots to work as a correspondent!?

Not convinced...

I can't make a decision. Should I say no just because it will cost us a lot!? I know I have a limited budget and looking only at the price, I only can say no... I really don't like making decisions only because I don't have the money. But right now, any media is forced to cut down on expenses and we're no exception. I'd even use my own money if I had to. If that would be a good experience for us, why should I hesitate?
This is only a soliloquy. I already know the answer, but as always, I just can't convince my mind to shut up!

PS
It was quite a "Japanese" day!

having a "Wafu" dinner...

and a Japanese snack!
(we bought this at the Japanese food in San Jose! my wife's favorite!)

Truly blue...

It was peaceful today, but a story written by a rival agency dropped me into the bottomless pit... It wasn't a bad day till the report came in, but maybe because I was a loafer today, it was a punishment from Heaven... I had to spend the rest of the day feeling truly blue.

In Japan, I was true blue to my horse betting some money via internet, but sadly he finished 10th... He's already 7 years old and maybe he's in the verge of retiring...

Me too... I want to retire...


Photos of today...
In the afternoon, I went out with my wife to check out...

a handicraft shop...

and into another small shopping center...

with a shop with so many handicraft goods...

It was hot outside so...

we finished off with some cold drinks!


betting on my horsey... but...

Frustrated... but helpless...

It was supposed to be an easy-going holiday and as it was hot as ever outside, surely over 40 degrees, we decided to go outside later at night. We spent the day inside and I helped my wife start her blog in a Japanese site.
There were surprisingly no calls from Tokyo and I thought we took the right decision... We left our home at around 8PM and didn't think of going to an ambitious place for dining... just a hamburger shop that my wife said she always wanted to go...
Right when we decided what to order... a call from satan... no... it was from Tokyo. Apparently a plane accident took place in Mashhad and we had to leave without ordering... I was quite frustrated... why did they choose this moment? Why? Well, being frustrated doesn't help at all... feeling helpless I took my wife back and off I went to work!!


right in front of burger shop counter... I received the call...

It was exactly a year after I left Tokyo for this country having worries but slightly having hope that I might have a good time... Please don't ask me if I'm having a great time now. Please don't!

Ridiculous!

Another indication that this country is far from getting productive! Because of the dust that is blown from the west, originating in Iraq, they suddenly announced it was a day off today. They also announced tomorrow would be a day off too! Would Japan close its offices because of the Asian Dust (yellow dust/sand) originating in China? It would be ridiculous to stop things so suddenly! Well, it's not my country and I have to pay my respect to whatever the government decides here, but I first thought only the governmental organizations and offices were to follow the "order"... but it seems like they have announced it as a "public holiday" for "one or two" or even "three" days! How vague can you be when you order people to take a day off!? It's like a joke!
Well, I decided to let my staff take a rest, because they had enough work these two months. I'm having a temporary assistant helping me and even though it costs me money, it could be the wisest way to use money now!

After the 9PM news, the state television broadcasted the President's address to the nation. He surely did not talk just to his citizens, as he attacked his "enemies" as always. I had to work until midnight and it was not a holiday at all for me! It was also sad that while I had to put all myeffort into finding a soundbite I could use for my story, the television on the side was broadcasting the King of Pop's public memorial ceremony which billions around the world must have been watching... I hope at least millions were watching what I was watching!

I checked it out from the roof...

well you can see the Milad Tower... barely in the middle...
but you can see all the buildings nearby!
what's the problemo, señor!

Yes, yes (who cares!)

Maybe there's no change. I'm just taking orders from Tokyo, perhaps like a chef working in a fast food burger shop, where you just make them after you get the order and according to the recipes. Maybe it's my fault I have no other ideas to fight back... too bad... I don't have the enthusiasm any more to be productive and imaginative. So everytime I just answer inside, "WHO CARES!"

Agape...

I only could freeze with my mouth open wide... agape with surprise and after shutting my mouth I returned to reality and only could decide the inevitable.
I was planning to go on a vacation with my wife using the three days off from April 1st, but the almighty secretary of a great nation just announced that they will be having a conference about supporting a war-stricken nation inviting their archrival which happens to be the proud country where I reside in...

ON MARCH 31ST!

Why on that day? Why? By this time, it was frustration that took control over my mind, but there's no one to blame... always there's no one...
It's too late to know my job is full of these incidents where I have to give up my pleasure for things happening haphazardly and unexpectedly. That's my job, I know.

So am I too sinful to blame God is the one controlling how these events are compiled as a part of a long story? I'd like to believe in agape from the Almighty, but how can I when I can't feel it?
In the evening, I told my plans that we had to cancel our trip to my wife through chatting, but it's a relief she understands the situation... perhaps more than me... Is the real agape that I'm feeling in the real world?

Me too...


I wanna sit in the garden and rest... sulkily!

Losing my motivation...

It's not a title for a day that was the greatest day for the Iranians. It was the 30th Anniversary of the Islamic Revolution and I left the office just after 6:30AM to get to Azadi Square where the grand ceremony was going to be held.
All the foreign media were there and some of my Asian colleagues were there too. They were all taken interviews by the Iranian state channels and as I found out later on that they were broadcasted in the news channel and night news, I was relieved I didn't decide to let them interview me. Phew...
Meanwhile I had some quarrels again with Tokyo and with the stress controlling my temper, I was quite angry I really thought why our people do not think about working together to make something great. Are they trying to train me or humiliate me? Oh, who cares... my passion has already dispersed and I have completely lost my motivation to be a foreign correspondent in this memorial day.
I worked for the morning news, which was of course a "political" kind of news report that I detest to make the most, but since I'm paid for this, I worked on it mechanically without any emotion if not an angry sentiment.
At least I made it through the peak point and I was really happy to hear my colleague who is here in Tehran to help me was successful in the live report tonight. I really felt relieved when Tokyo was feeling fine with how the broadcast went... really relieved like hearing your son has passed the college entrance exams... (of course I don't have a son yet but I'm sure that's how you feel...)
Anyways, congratulations to the Iranian people that you have achieved many things after a great turning point in your history and I hope your advancement continues... hopefully in a way that I really would want too...

Pics of the ceremony...

not much people at the Azadi Square first thing in the morning...

but it was filled soon enough!

and the President gives out his speech... what I had to write for the news...

A major waste...

It was a very important day as it is everyday with time running out so quickly. Still, we had to cover everyday events, and as we were invited to one that the President was attending, I expected some important but...
It was five hours and a half after we went to the President's office for equipment check, that the President has finally given his speech at this event, and it lasted for only four minutes, which was a new record for me to see him talk so short!
After stopping by for some fast food (which was actually "slow food" as we had to wait about thirty minutes to get our takeout food...), we returned to my office just before midnight... A total of about 7 hours of waste! Please God, I know you are out there... why are you testing us so rigidly!?

Some weird "artistic" displays at the ceremony...

he's a real person... not moving... interesting!


oh, there he is! hello, I've waited six hours to see you!


still tons of people at the burger shop after 11PM!


not bad... after hours of waiting!

Easily angered...

Just a small thing irritates me now. I brought some papers to apply for a visa for my staff and they tell me I can't use scanned ID photos printed on glossy papers... why not!? what's the big difference!? I asked my staff to bring the ones printed by a photo shop and when I tried to hand the papers, they now tell me the time to hand in the papers were up! Oh, I was so angry, that I really wanted to break the place down! I really thought it was a bad day. I know I'm full of stress as I'm easily angered. Please... I want to go home... to my country...

I had some dinner outside with my colleagues...

oh this looks nice... maybe I'll have these next time...
I'm happy for them that they can have delicious food back in Tokyo...


my dinner last night at around 1AM... great...

Snap decisions...

I did write a storyline before filming, but as I had no idea what kind of pictures I can get, I just took off without much consideration. I'm very worried if I have enough, but what can I do!? I'm sure it will not satisfy Tokyo's request and I would rather ask for a judgment from God to send me somewhere else where I can use my abilities effectively. I'm sorry, but here I can't bring it into full play! Good faith, sincerity, straightforwardness... indispensable behaviors were so important to make a story, but here it's more about strategy... how to pretend you care... I don't like that way of working... I hope they understand I really care about what I'm doing, but they may not see me as doing so... Oh, how sad could that be!

Well at least there's something that this country believes in...

the late Imam... he's on TV everyday!

I can't stand it anymore!

It's almost 6 months after I arrived here in Tehran, but today it became decisive that I really don't want to do this job! I don't want to be too arrogant, but I firmly believe that I've worked so hard these 14 years, hoping that one day I will find a vocation that I can feel satisfied saying to myself... hard work pays off...
Look where I am now. I'm so frustrated that I can't stand it anymore being denounced so much and all I could say is sorry and apologize like I spilled some coffee on my customer at the cafe. Was this what I've worked so hard to achieve!?
I can't quit now and I won't even consider that like I did when I had some sufferings two years ago, as quitting now means I'm just abandoning my responsibilities and I will become a real loser in life disposing even the 13 years of hard work I've accumluated, but after discharge my duty, I seriously want to consider a job change within my organization. It will be too late after I really think about it's a complete waste of time to even stay in this organization!

Today another colleague arrived from Tokyo. I can't jeopardize my colleagues interests who are here to help me and I will do anything to make them feel proud about being here. For me, it's too late to be proud... too late...

PS
We went out to have dinner at a hotel in the north. I decided to walk home to my office, but it was snowing... oh well, I don't care if I get all wet... it's makes me very emotional to see the snow falling down on me and all I can do is feel miserable walking in the streets alone and not feeling confident about my life... It's really miserable...


at the familiar Thai restaurant...


on the way back... it was snowing!
how miserable I felt walking back to my office in this snowy weather...