More commitments...

I woke up early again, this time 30 minutes later than yesterday, which was around 6:45AM. It's pretty tough to keep up this pace as I'm working everyday till it's almost midnight and I couldn't stop taking a nap on the chairs of the room where the press conference room was going to be held after the Summit meeting...


the summit of ECO... the Economic Cooperation Organization with members from the Middle East and Central Asia... maybe no one in Tokyo cares about this story...

Today, after writing about the story, I was again warned again about my careless mistakes and unsophisticated ways of writing... I was advised that I should read more of my colleagues' writings so I would know more about the expressions we usually use in our stories and of course to get to know more about the news of my area - the international news! Although recently I easily get angered by being scolded, but this time I was more sad than angry.
It's really sorrowful that I'm being told things like a young starter in my field of reporting would. Being someone who did not even know who the President of this country just a year and a half ago, and had not idea how many people were living in this great power of the Middle East, I'm still reading and filing approximately 30 to 50 articles everyday about this country and that takes me hours which makes me end up going to bed much later than midnight. Reading stories that my colleagues write will only probably add another hour to the burden, but I realize that this is another commitment I should use my time on.
These feelings of misery is not unprecedented any more to me as I felt the same years ago when I was tranferred to cover the judicial court. It was miserable when I couldn't work out the regular procedures that all the other reporters covering the stories were doing like an everyday thing. It's frustrating you have to ask simple questions when you've been a reporter for more than a decade. I'm having the same disappointment now saying sorry everyday meaning "sorry (I have to ask this dumb question)", "sorry (I did not do what a normal foreign correspondent will do)", "sorry (I didn't know what a kid in this country would know)", "sorry (you name it sucker!)"
Several years back, it was normal for me to think about quitting this job, because it was sensible to me that why not do a new thing in a different world if I'm being scolded at a place I thought I would have had more of the lead of doing things. It would've much easier to take the criticism when you are starting something you decided to do by yourself. It's really painful to be blasted at a position where you took it because you were told to. I know I had no choice, but what if I were in my last years at the Current Events News Division which would make me in my ninth year there if I had stayed there? I would be taking the lead in making special reports and surely would be taking more responsibility, but with more pride. Look at me now! I'm just a loser doing things that I'm told to do and writing stories because I have to... because I'm the only correspondent here... If I had stayed in Tokyo, I surely would have been transferred to a local station soon and be leading young reporters, teaching them the great aspects of our job... to do new things and tackle new problems that we must be the first to point out... I realize now that doing a completely new thing in the same organization is not easy... especially when you're attacked like a young reporter...