Start of the ceremonies...

From the morning, the celebration of the start of the "Ten Days of Dawn", the anniversary festivities for the Iran's Islamic Revolution. We went to Imam Khomeini's shrine in the morning and it took me almost the whole day to compile a story for the news.
From today, the busiest 2 weeks after arriving in Tehran will start and I will face the challenge to manage how I can use all the resources I have including my staff. I know I can't make it without the help from Tokyo, but I'm really having a tough time to cope with the strong pressures I get. Will I go broke or will I succeed... only God knows...


the President with the grandson of the late Imam...


with the familiar placard!


and the former President giving his speech...


the venue of the ceremony... The Imam Khomeni Shrine

Belonging to an organization

Last night, for first time ever, I thought about a future being a freelance. I really don't see a future in my organization as I always have to take orders and feel disgusted at being just a servant. Until a year ago, of course I thought of even quitting this occupation and look for other ways of living, especially by halting my reckless driving in life, seriously attacked by the voices of regrets like "why am I doing this?" and "why did I take this job?".
But thinking twice, I'm also starting to think that it's not the job that I made a mistake to take, but the path. I've never thought about journalism at all, and I don't even know any of these "celebrity" journalists who are winning support with the freelance work that they have done. I have no passion to be a famous writer or reporter as it would be better to be able to tell the story without the presense of myself on the screen, as there will always be an effect showing yourself catching attention to the reporter and not the story.
I've always have been proud of working in my organization, because I believe being a freelance writer or reporter, you have to use some sensationalism or maybe even some dramatization to get some article space or broadcasting time which is necessary for work and therefore, compensation.
I don't know if I'm getting enough financial salary, but that's nothing of importance if I'm able to live an average life, but it's rather if I'm happy about what I'm doing. I was happy before that the best reward for me was when I was told, especially from people I've covered, that I have done a great job to help them. I would probably break down crying with deep emotion if I could have saved someone's life with what I've reported.
Working here, I don't see anything that would lead to such emotions. The more I do my work, I feel I'm just filling the news and I'm doing this because I have to. Boring isn't it!? I'm sure there are people who would want to work as a foreign correspondent to feel the fame and become the showman. I have no interests at all in that aspect of working in this position, as rather a stoic, low profile, coverage full of professionalism is an art I've always wanted to acquire.
I'm not confident at all about what I'm doing here, especially about these political reports which I have no passion at all to make and I really have to think of the coverage I would be able to get a hand on after June, when we will have the Presidential Election, or I will really find it hard to continue working here!

We were working at full force today too... a precious Friday... I couldn't stand sleeping on the sofa last night at around 1AM and when I woke up it was nearly 3AM! I quickly wrote some e-mails and went to bed around 3:30AM... it was very tough to wake up before 9AM, but I had to... oh, I'm going to sleep like crazy after 2 weeks!

Lunchtime...

some rice with horsebeans...

and finishing off the last cake!

A major waste...

It was a very important day as it is everyday with time running out so quickly. Still, we had to cover everyday events, and as we were invited to one that the President was attending, I expected some important but...
It was five hours and a half after we went to the President's office for equipment check, that the President has finally given his speech at this event, and it lasted for only four minutes, which was a new record for me to see him talk so short!
After stopping by for some fast food (which was actually "slow food" as we had to wait about thirty minutes to get our takeout food...), we returned to my office just before midnight... A total of about 7 hours of waste! Please God, I know you are out there... why are you testing us so rigidly!?

Some weird "artistic" displays at the ceremony...

he's a real person... not moving... interesting!


oh, there he is! hello, I've waited six hours to see you!


still tons of people at the burger shop after 11PM!


not bad... after hours of waiting!

Mounting worries...

Oh please, why can't I smile feeling satisfied I've spent a great day. Each time I find out the day is over, I'm sighing. I really don't want to show how depressing it is to be in this position to my collegues and my staff, but I don't have the composure to be smiling!
I tried to do anything I can to change my mood... I cut my hair, I asked my staff to buy some cakes, and I took some time to watch the rose in the garden... still, my mood is very bad as mounting worries is squeezing my heart!


looking at the roses to cheer me up...

Easily angered...

Just a small thing irritates me now. I brought some papers to apply for a visa for my staff and they tell me I can't use scanned ID photos printed on glossy papers... why not!? what's the big difference!? I asked my staff to bring the ones printed by a photo shop and when I tried to hand the papers, they now tell me the time to hand in the papers were up! Oh, I was so angry, that I really wanted to break the place down! I really thought it was a bad day. I know I'm full of stress as I'm easily angered. Please... I want to go home... to my country...

I had some dinner outside with my colleagues...

oh this looks nice... maybe I'll have these next time...
I'm happy for them that they can have delicious food back in Tokyo...


my dinner last night at around 1AM... great...

Trying my best...

With a nice talk with one of the persons we are trying to focus on, I just had to try my best with them. Is this going to be a great story!? I don't know... I just have to see...
The other stories we were planning to make were not developing... The puzzles are not fitting into places and my worries are mounting... Oh, would we have enough stories to fill all the requirements Tokyo is imposing on us!? Oh, I just have to try my best!!

Having lunch with our new friend...

yes kubide kyabab!

Snap decisions...

I did write a storyline before filming, but as I had no idea what kind of pictures I can get, I just took off without much consideration. I'm very worried if I have enough, but what can I do!? I'm sure it will not satisfy Tokyo's request and I would rather ask for a judgment from God to send me somewhere else where I can use my abilities effectively. I'm sorry, but here I can't bring it into full play! Good faith, sincerity, straightforwardness... indispensable behaviors were so important to make a story, but here it's more about strategy... how to pretend you care... I don't like that way of working... I hope they understand I really care about what I'm doing, but they may not see me as doing so... Oh, how sad could that be!

Well at least there's something that this country believes in...

the late Imam... he's on TV everyday!

Start of a decisive week...

We had another colleague from Tokyo today and hiring a driver made our office at full force with 9 people hanging around, more than double our usual force... the pressures of showing results is mounting... It's great to have people who will bring good influence to my staff and it's a great help that I will be able to work with other young ones. But I'm also sad that I can't really smile before them saying I'm really doing a great job at this post and I could really make show them how great it is to work here...

We went right away to meet two people that we needed to include in our documentary and I think both interviews went fine. I hope we can get the filming part rolling so I can concentrate on my news reports, which I have been given an ultimatum to give my ideas after digging for these two days. Well, my day is over and I still haven't anything... unfortunately...


at night we went to the film maker's world... a reproduced Tehran in the old days... wow!

I can't stand it anymore!

It's almost 6 months after I arrived here in Tehran, but today it became decisive that I really don't want to do this job! I don't want to be too arrogant, but I firmly believe that I've worked so hard these 14 years, hoping that one day I will find a vocation that I can feel satisfied saying to myself... hard work pays off...
Look where I am now. I'm so frustrated that I can't stand it anymore being denounced so much and all I could say is sorry and apologize like I spilled some coffee on my customer at the cafe. Was this what I've worked so hard to achieve!?
I can't quit now and I won't even consider that like I did when I had some sufferings two years ago, as quitting now means I'm just abandoning my responsibilities and I will become a real loser in life disposing even the 13 years of hard work I've accumluated, but after discharge my duty, I seriously want to consider a job change within my organization. It will be too late after I really think about it's a complete waste of time to even stay in this organization!

Today another colleague arrived from Tokyo. I can't jeopardize my colleagues interests who are here to help me and I will do anything to make them feel proud about being here. For me, it's too late to be proud... too late...

PS
We went out to have dinner at a hotel in the north. I decided to walk home to my office, but it was snowing... oh well, I don't care if I get all wet... it's makes me very emotional to see the snow falling down on me and all I can do is feel miserable walking in the streets alone and not feeling confident about my life... It's really miserable...


at the familiar Thai restaurant...


on the way back... it was snowing!
how miserable I felt walking back to my office in this snowy weather...

Losing confidence and patience...

I just can't believe how I've lost my confidence... Was I such an useless guy from before? Why can't I get any results?
I'm also losing my patience... How can I calm myself down when all I see is doomsday in front of me as I can't even see the image of myself smiling three weeks later... A day I won't be smiling? That's impossible!
Reality is creeping up slowly but to a certainty that it'll kill my confidence and patience completely if I lose the fight...

It was very cold again today... my colleague staying at a hotel in the north said the ground was all white with snow... it was snowing briefly near my office too... oh please, at least give me some sunshine!


snow flakes...


hey, how's the food!? I want to eat some nice things too!!


so... I went out with my colleague to get a nice meal to cheer me up! meat, meat, meat!

Reactions...

As everybody is emphasizing it's a historical day, I really feel the power of the media boosting everybody's expectation from this great man that has taken the throne of the superpower. Let's not forget it's what he achieves that should be historical and not just the fact that someone with a different racial background has become the leader for the first time in their history.
It is of course true that one man can change the world, but it's also evident that one man cannot change the world alone as there's more than 6.7 billion people living together in this small world. But of those 6.7 billion, I'm sure at least a billion is watching him praying he would be the savior. There's so many people that want to be happier including me and at this moment, and now from the slogan of "change", it's time to shift to the slogan of "believe".


mainly the Reformists' paper had the new leader's pictures on the top page...
I'm sure everyone here is interested whether they like the man or not!

History in the rival country...

The hegemony of this heavyweight country has always been the topic of the politics and even social talks of this Islamic nation I stay in.
The event of a century was not broadcasted live in this country's channels but we were watching it with curiosity and in one way with awe as covering reactions to this great man will be the topic for us not just for a day or two, but for months, even years!

When the inauguration was taking place in Washington...

the state channel of this country was broadcasting their Imam's glory...

In the daytime, it was again a day of demonstration...

in front of the former US Embassy...
Marg Bar Esraeel, Marg Bar Amrika... Death to Israel, Death to America... over and over...

Oh! And another rivalry in the backyard...

hey, it's my meal! Can't back off!

Another trip to Qom

I'm really tired to ride the car for two hours to get to the religious city in the south, but I'm getting used to it! Today we filmed a press conference by an Ayatollah, and then filme the city scenes.


the mosque is beautiful though with some constructions going on...

It was already nighttime when we returned to Tehran. Not much progress in the research I've asked my assistant to cover... oh, I'm really doomed...


well... let's at least enjoy some of the souvenirs... Qom's speciality... sohan

A great help!

A visitor from Tokyo! A great help! Especially in a way that I can have some one I can talk about my complaints... in Japanese!!
To welcome our new colleague we went out to the usual restaurant, but late at night, we returned to reality... we've got loads of work waiting for us!


gifts from Tokyo... oh, the Ningyoyaki, great!

Dreadful...

The week started with a mistake... I went to an event which I thought would be a worthwhile ceremony to cover, but I arrived at the scene, I realized it was nothing close to what I was expecting... This kind of letdown is an everyday thing here, but it's really disappointing when it happens when you're running out of time... Oh, this is really killing me!
There was no progress as I had anticipated... I'm getting desperate, and should I thank God that I can't drown myself with drinks!
Tomorrow a correspondent from Tokyo will arrive for help... I hope he will become our messenger of good luck! I really do!

Today I noticed in the garden...


a single flower in blossom... in this cold winter...


it really encouraged me... yes... I want to be like this beautiful flower standing strong in adversity!

PS
It's the 14th anniversary of the earthquake that hit Kobe... each year it reminds me of how I've come a long way... I was hoping to be spending a happy career as a good reporter to cover stories that would help people and even Inshallah save the lives of people... but look at me today... I'm not even close to that! Why am I here now covering things I really don't care about!? I don't know... I really don't know... Please God, show me the right path I should head to... please...

A nice day... to work!

Yes, we had to work. Nobody cares it's a day off here in Iran and though it was our initiative to go out and cover a conference attended by a former President and a predicted candidate of the next election.
The day did not end by just this coverage as I had calls from Tokyo and many e-mails to return all about work. I finally had some time at night time, but I had to go back to work late at night to be ready for another refreshed week from tomorrow.
This cycle of having only one day off is really starting to kill my health and though overwork was not rare for me for these 14 years, I really want to slow down. The environment I'm in won't let me, and I have to keep on driving until someday I crash...
It was a very nice day as you can see the smog covering the city. The view of the polluted city is a sign that it is a sunny day and the best day to go out... well for me... to work!


the smog layer is so clear... it's worse than LA or of course Tokyo!

PS
My dinner...

the last yakisoba! oh I'm going to miss these!

Great stress...

Today, I felt how deep the stress has accumulated inside me affecting dearly my mental state. I realized today I couldn't laugh from the bottom of my heart and I even felt irritated by some of the things my staff were innocently saying. It becomes more stressful when I realize I really don't want to be such a character but there's no way to help it but let the dark side control me...
I know I won't be able to fight off the stress so easily in this working environment where there's no escape routes from perfection and it's always the personal responsibility that ultimately prevails. Sadly, I'm just not strong enough to say work is just work and it shouldn't make it control my whole life. I really don't want to be neglectful, but what can I do? Who will understand my pains?

Today, we had a press conference by the President. It was the first time in four months to attend a lengthy one (a total of two hours this time), but it was mostly about his words of condemnation to the Zionists. We didn't know the UN building in Gaza was attacked by the Israelis at the time of the press conference and if we had known I'm sure the conference had heated up more!

For lunch...


we had some homemade (actually officemade) food!


the soup was tasty... adding nun to it...


but the second dish was quite sour and bitter for me as they smashed some lemon without taking out the rind..

I couldn't say it was tasty... I should have... whenever you have someone's dish you should... oh, I really hate myself today!

Failing...

We're not doing well... the progress is too slow... Is there anything I can do to improve our performance? No... I have no idea... I don't have time to moan but pray that I will be salvaged soon... Oh, someone help me!

The only time I feel relieved...


is when I'm having the nice fillet kyababs...

Hunting for lodging

As we are having a correspondent coming from Tokyo from next Sunday, we went to look for a hotel we can offer him. There are two "five star" hotels in walking distance, but it would take about thirty minutes to get to the office so we searched for hotels that were much closer.
Surprisingly, we found three apartment hotels in the 120-160USD range and we decided to give them a try! I hope there will be more competition in the lodging business so we will get more choices to offer my guests!


nice bed!


the apartment hotels all have kitchens!


really nice...


I'd like to stay here myself!
oh, but who's going to pay!?

Snowy season is back!

I just received a pathetic message from a teacher of Japanese school here in Tehran that the kids were postponing their ski class because of limited snowfall this winter, but look what happened today!


snow, snow!


gettin alll white in the city again!?

Not really... in the evening, all the snow had disappeared as it was more liquid than solid this time compared to the snowfall in December...


the cat was walking on the wet ground... without much snow left!


need some sweets in this kind of day!


oh yeah... he's going to leave... I almost forgot!

Impatience?

I don't know if my sense of crisis that time is running out is penetrating to anyone who cares about me, but I surely see no progress in our work and all I could do is pray that things will fit into place with less than a month to go. Things I need are still not there and if I won't get them on time I'll just have to go bust.
We still have nearly a month... am I too impatient? Maybe I am, but you know, sadly there's no one else who will take my place and do it for me... Well, I have keep on smiling... that's my job!

Back to basics...


fastfood to go!

A month to go!

The first and challenging goal is just a month away... I really don't care how Tokyo will evaluate my work and it's perfectly fine if they flunk me as a foreign correspondent, but I don't want to be disappointed about myself. Although there could be many ways to dodge criticism from the organization I work for, there's no way to cheat myself about how hard I have tried to get the best outcome. I've tried my best today and though it may not satisfy my bosses or my staff, that's all it counts for me. I've done my best.

It was my fourth trip to Qom and today it was cloudy and cold from the beginning. It started to rain a little in the afternoon and though it was gloomy, I had to believe strongly it would be a nice day for me. Though whatever the religion it may be, to be in one of the religious centers makes me humble and remind myself not to be greedy. Here again the keyword will be Inshallah!

Pics of the day...


it started to rain in the afternoon...


various of Qom with mosques...


another mosques... you can see tons of mosques here!


lunchtime!


the restaurant was called... "One Thousand and One Nights"! interesting!


the moon was starting to appear when we got to the rest area...


this time having a Mochaccino!


the souvenirs this time... not Qom's specialties but nice to munch on!